Friday, February 29, 2008

Monday, February 25, 2008

OUCH.

I'm just going to stop thinking and just busy myself to no end. Consequentially, I got alot done today without even having to take a nap. My mother is deathly ill so I bought groceries, and at the same time applied for a new job and returned movies. I switched shifts at work so I can go to GWT, and booked a doctor's appointment. I fed the hungry masses of my home. I called Morgan.
Now I'm going to do social homework so my mind doesn't start to dwell on things like next year or this summer or grad or the election or my weird dreams or other things that really just aren't my fucking business. And I'm not freaking out. I'm getting very good at not following my gut instincts, because they are usually working against me. I don't even have a reason to be feeling uptight, so take that, gut instinct. I'm not even talking to you.
But, I'm seeing less of everyone this week. I'm pining for my independance. I seem to have misplaced it since September.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

if i were deaf, and you were dumb, imagine what we could become.




just call me any time you can't sleep. I can come find you, too.
1. Dropping chem
2. Finding a new job
3. Mailing my transcripts
4. Cleaning my room?
5. Generally getting my shit toGETHER. if only it were so easy to say no, or to get it without having to spend time on it. I'm just so fucking independant.
and I would like to take this opportunity to insist that I'm not actually self-actualized. It takes me such a long time to realize or understand things that I do.
OH!
6. Becoming a competent bassist.

Monday, February 11, 2008

retrospect

"...dawn dust neon constant, constant, constant so yes, maybe some days I wake up witha no vacancy sign around my neck and those days, it looks like love is just a name I've written on a bad check and I leave you alone like money...
...so my friend, comrade, lover in arms, swear spit make a toast clink pelvis on it, because if you are willing we will take our moments as they flicker under this immortal fickle filament you see how it is, on again off again on again off again, but we know this: even if we go our ways, our 24 hour hearts are lit."
-barbara adler

Saturday, February 9, 2008

what IS it?!


"there is too much food and no one left over
to eat up all the weird abundance"

Monday, February 4, 2008

fake blood

i wrote this months ago. morgan likes it. i have faith in morgan. i need. to write. more. often.

Last night:
I was curling my hair for the first time
You phoned to tell me about
witnessing
An accident on Crowchild-
“I saw them use
the Jaws of Life
to pull this man out
he was probably dead!”

I was shaving my legs,
and then i went out:
I was wearing other people's clothes
I listened to other people's music
I took pictures,
and started drinking
"It was like there was no front of the car
it was so totaled
It was just the back end
of a car."

Now my friend's Dad is dying:
he was always so healthy
They think it's genetic.
I was reading poetry
"now I'm waiting again
and the years run thin...
I hope death contains
less than this."

I was focusing a little too hard:
"I wish I could understand poetry,"
says you
"me too,"
says I, and
"I am so sorry about your father,"
and
"are you alright, though?"
"yes, yes, they're sweeping up the glass now,"
says you,

and so am I:
I was smoking for the first time
on bleachers where I grew up
where I once played hide and seek
where I once raced
and filmed movies for fun.
we talked in the car in the alley
where I once walked to the bus stop
at the end
Now there are pools of orange light there
"with you, and then him
it was hard, it was like
missing a leg."
says you.

I ignored it:
Alex believes in shadow people
and in ghosts
like I do,
but you don't.
"I’m fine, that was
exactly
what I needed"
says I.

Now I’m sweeping up the glass:
when I wake up
it's noon
on Sunday
my hair is uncurled
I’m wearing my own clothes
the alley and the bleachers are full of snow
(and so am I.)
cars are speeding down Crowchild-
I took a picture
to show you later
What a good job they did of
sweeping
up.